April 23rd, 2018.
I’m not even sorry for what I’m going to say today. Those who actually know and support me enough in these early days to read the stories are people that I’m cool with, so I don’t care about any sorts of discretion at this time. This shouldn’t be as wordy as usual.
The company I work for was sold. I found out by happenstance, but only a few people know what we’re all about to be out of a job (most likely, I’m not even sure if that’s 100%). It’s probably an effort to keep us all from bailing and leaving them screwed before the “transfer” is complete, but they’re planning on terminating everyone that works remotely. It’s a far more difficult thing to find sustainable, genuine work from home when you’re new to the gauntlet….which applied to most of the team.
It’s bullshit, really.
I also don’t care that they don’t want anyone to know yet. We have people of all walks that are dependent on their roles for some reason or another. But that is the downside of being a non-contract employee. Basic respect and etiquette didn’t apply to the situation.
There were times I worked over 16 hours and couldn’t do more for breaks than run to pee or grab something to shove down my throat in the 30-second “cooldown” periods between calls. Even for non-contract employees, it was an abusive situation. Anyway…
That’s not the point here. The point is that I found out I’m about to lose my job and I realized it’s probably the best thing to happen to me at this moment. I have (possibly) a handful of weeks before I’m thrown back to the wolves.
I didn’t even feel sorry for myself over this, though. I saw it as an opportunity in disguise.
The robbery that happened back in March really made me think about life and how we oftentimes don’t apply ourselves to the extent that we ought to. It’s easy to make excuses and not take risks but that is how you bleed years of your life with dreams remaining just that. I was tired of bleeding. I was ready to heal.
So I am going to pursue what I should have been all along. I am going to write, I am going to pour my heart into a couple of startups with people I love and I am going to embrace the more nomadic freelance lifestyle that I had been craving for years. Maybe if I’m fortunate I can manage a trip before I take on a heavy workload again (after I’m formally terminated). This is a chance to set the groundwork for something that will truly bring me a lot of joy.
I also want to be able to position myself to be able to make a healthy contribution to the area that I live in. I want to set an example for my step kids and enable my husband to see what a great team we are. I want to finally stop fearing my dreams and making them my reality.
I want to live the rest of this life the way I want it to be lived.
See, that’s kind of exciting to me the more I think about it. I logically know that I’m holding myself back and perhaps now I’m really ready to do something about it. It’s hard staying motivated when I’m separated from a lot of people who understand me well but that hasn’t stopped some really cherished souls from rooting for me. I know you’re quietly reading this, too. That means a lot.
Dreams becoming reality. I can do that. I certainly can. I just need to remember that and keep pushing for more out of life. That’s always been a battle for me.
My husband, my biggest fan, has always been cautious. I’m sure that my need to take a risk at this point in life terrifies him, but it means a lot to me that he feels that I’m capable. He’s not freaking out about me being unemployed, and I can only hope he has a bit of faith in me. Him not freaking out has helped me not freak out either. We’ve conquered worse.
It’s going to be an emotionally trying handful of weeks at times. There’s no way it won’t be. But instead of feeling sorry for myself I am going to hit the ground running and make this the start of my mission for greatness. I might have had a bumpy road, but it’s up to me to make the rest of my life the best of my life.
So sometimes bad things happen and they’re there to remind you that you are quite fucking capable of being the badass you’ve always dreamt of. You are quite fucking capable of being the best version of you yet. You are quite capable of being happy.
It’s really my time to be happy and embrace my own value. I am aware I don’t do it enough and it’s almost crippling at times. But I’m tired of life escaping me as I do nothing about it.
It’s Monday. Monday is our weekly reset button. It’s time to take a different path this go around.